Bull's eye?

The Italian writer Susanna Tamaro - whom some have accused, rightly or wrongly, of soppiness - once wrote: "La vita non è una corsa, ma un tiro al bersaglio."

Life is not a race. It’s target shooting.

In a life that has continually seemed and felt like an unending, exhausting race, this phrase has, thankfully, resonated like a lone comforting voice.

When did the race start? I can’t honestly remember. Maybe it started when I was in primary school, when getting top scores in the year-end exams all of a sudden seemed inescapably urgent. Or maybe it was when we moved into upper secondary school, when we were told by the headmaster that all of us were to opt for the science stream and that we would be better off studying physics and chemistry than Malay or English literature. Or maybe it started after we finished secondary school, when most of us anxiously enquired after each other's exam results to see how relatively well - or badly - we'd done. Or maybe it started later: when we all started making a tally of who got into the better universities and who secured the better-paying jobs.

We may sometimes forget that we are in the race, but a part of us never really left it. At some points in our life, the race is about who has a better scholarship or a better-looking partner. At times, it's about who earns more money or has a nicer house. The stakes may vary, but the sensations are unmistakable. Those pangs of envy and twinges of triumph are familiar to us all. Who among us would fail to recognise that warm afterglow of having bested our peers? Or that sinking feeling of being left far behind when others seem to be speeding ahead?

The Germans may have given schadenfreude its name, but one doesn't need to be Teutonic to be able to recognise the feeling. It's that involuntary comfort we feel when a setback suffered by an acquaintance - or worse, a friend - makes our own relative position look not quite half as bad. It's that twisted relief we feel when news of a failed business venture or a promotion that fell through reassures us that we are not the only laggard around.

Like many others before me and after me, I have, at different stages in my life, fallen for the allure of the race and have been hit by its twists and turns. But in those rare moments of clarity, I would see the race for what it really is, and would remind myself of what Susanna Tamaro wrote. Surely, life is so glorious that it should not be lived like a mad, blind rush? Surely it does not matter how fast we get there, as long as we get there? I would think that knowing where one is going is more important than just blindly following and constantly trying to outrun the crowd. What is the point of charging furiously on a bullet train when at the end of the journey you find yourself at the wrong destination?

It is thus that even years after I read them, the words of Susanna Tamaro still sound true to me. Life is indeed not a race. At least, it shouldn't be. We should all approach it like a "tiro al bersaglio" - a target shooting exercise.

Sometimes, there are moments when the pressure of the race mounts to intolerable levels and I wonder if I'll ever reach my destination at my own pace, in my own time. Sometimes I'm gripped with the fear that I may never even get there. There have been many moments when giving up and giving in to the flow seemed like a logical respite from the seemingly interminable search the "right" destination, the destination that I really want. But even then, I try to remind myself that I must ignore the din and uproar of the race, and continue seeking the elusive bersaglio - target.

Have you hit yours?

References
Va dove ti porta il cuore, Susanna Tamaro

(This piece was partly triggered by my reading of Ngising's entry on money, work and life and Jun's entry on Vienna Teng)

Comments

[azuradec]

i liked this entry - calms me down to not worry so much about lagging behind the race. {am enjoying reading your blog}

[Maine]

I honestly started it the moment I got my first job, when having a career felt like such a cool thing, being busy till late at night felt like I'm such an important person. After 4 years or so, when I realised that the deeds I should make should be more towards those who matter to me rather than a bunch of unthankful a**h***s (my customers and principal) and that having lotsuf money don't make me as happy as having sincere friends and time for myself. I felt that remorse.

[gigglycow]

Fazu: I have often wondered why there should be a target in life. Why do we need this target? To help us achieve greater things, realize our ideal self...what purpose would having a target in life *really* accomplish? It would be nice to live life like it's an accidental journey. You know when you're travelling in a foreign land and you accidentally stumble upon a road or location that is not in the guide books but gives you so much pleasure. Heck, you don't even have to travel that far, even in KL, you can discover new things.

I'm a firm believer in fate, maybe not the exact religious notion of qadha & qadar, but general fate or karma or what you will. I believe that in life, you make decisions based on the 'now'. You take the road of life wherever it leads you.

Sure I dream of earning gazillions more than what I earn now, but only because it would allow me to dream more...but, frankly I essentially don't care because I am happy with what I am doing, what I have achieved etc. I think as long as you are happy and true to yourself, it shouldn't matter what others do. Some people measure their life with riches, some with power, some by the amount of time they have for their children. I measure my life with the number of close friends I have (less than 5 actually), the book I can curl up with at the end of the day and the little fantasy world in my head.

So, the question I think shouldn't be, have you reached your goal, but what do you measure your life with, that makes you truly happy inside? And if you can't honestly answer that, then, I think you need to take stock of your life so far.

[gigglycow]

Oh, and I forgot. I actually wanted to compliment you on your new tagline: Ngomelan seorang pengomel yang gigih. But got sidetracked, as I often do in real life, with my moment of loony lucidity. Back to topic? Your tagline? Too cute for words :)

[Maine]

I noticed the changes especially on the side bar. So proud of yewh!

[fazu]

azuradec: hi there! welcome to the site. and thanks for the kind words.

maine: hi there maine! I've been thinking about your thoughts on the "branding" (for lack of a better word) of weblogs. You have some complex ideas there (at least they seem complex to me!). Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Unfortunately, work and money are a necessary evil (how else will we pay for coffee in starbucks and 2 week-day holidays in Japan or that Sony Cybershot DSC-T1 camera?) but some people are just lucky to end up doing something they really, really like and have no qualms sacrificing their time and family for, while the rest just don't have the chance, or the guts, to go out there and do something they really, really like. If we fall into the latter category, let's hope we'll be able to change that, sooner, rather than later.

gigglycow: Amboi, amboi! Melawan tokey nampak! Komen dia lagi panjang daripada cerita kita pulak tu!

When I talked about target, I think I was talking about something that is quite close to what you mean. The "target", to me, is the sum of everything that we cherish and want most out of life; things that hopefully fulfil us and make us happy. It could be becoming prime minister of Malaysia; or having close friends around you; or having enough time for your loved ones; and yourself or ability and flexibility to approach life like an adventurer. If any or all of these can be summed up as your "target" then by all means, go for it! If the word "target" conjures up an image of a kiasu, I-live-my-live-by-a-masterplan image in your head, then I'm sorry. Maybe a better comparison would have avoided this impression.

Thanks for the kind words for the tagline. I was thinking of using it until I find something better, but on the strength of your commendation maybe I'll just keep it there!